Well guys, it's Tuesday, and you know what that means! That's right! Absolutely nothing!
Anyway, welcome to August 27th's birthday, it happens every August 27th, which comes around every year. This is an interesting one people, and I say that after only having looked at the very first event because...
August 27, 410 - The Visigoths finish sacking the city of Rome after three long, rape-filled days. I don't remember who said it, but I remember reading something that someone wrote about this at the time, and they said that "the mother of the world has died". This was somewhat true, because we don't always realize what the world was like back then. Today there are massive, civilized nations everywhere; America, the United Kingdom, China, Russia, France, Germany, some people even consider Canada to be a fully-formed country, but back then there was only really one: Rome.
Ever heard the phrase "All roads lead to Rome"? Well they fucking did. It was the center of everything (especially road construction, ironically), and the Romans had brought the entire known world up to speed with them. So, when the Visigoths came in and pretty much destroyed the city, it left the rest of the known world orphaned and lost.
Still, Romans were dicks, oppressing the Germanic and Celtic tribes, those are like the two coolest barbarian peoples in the world. Why you ask? Because Hunter said so, that's why. Also, you should know by now that Hunter is Scottish and German, so stop asking stupid fucking questions and just read the rest of the damned post.
August 27, 1776 - The British Army defeats the Continental Army at the Battle of Long Island. Why is Hunter celebrating an American defeat you say? Well, let me answer your question with another question: Why the fuck are you still asking questions?? I said shut up and read dammit! Anyway, after yet another defeat at the hands of the British, Washington's army was ready to be crushed on the shores of the East River. It looked to everyone like the Revolution was only hours from being over, with all of the Patriots ready to swing from the gallows, BUT that's not what happened.
The stupid Redcoats dug in around Washington and his men, and prepared for a short siege, because after the massacre at Boston in 1775 (Bunker Hill), they were hesitant to cross open ground toward a dug-in American line again. What they didn't know was that Washington was awesome. He had brought every boat his men could find to his camp on the shore, and in the middle of the night, with campfires still lit as a distraction to draw the attention of the enemy and make them think they were still in their tents, Washington and his entire army slipped away across the river to Manhattan. It was the closest Britain would ever come to ending the rebellion, but they had misread Washington and failed. It wouldn't be the last time. But those stories will have to wait, onward to the next event!
August 27, 1832 - Black Hawk, chief of the Sauk tribe of Native Americans, surrenders to U.S. forces and ends the Black Hawk War. This is only important because he of course went on to invent the UH-64 Black Hawk helicopter, which was the workhorse of the U.S. Army during the Mexican-American War several years later. It's totally true.
August 27, 1896 - The Anglo-Zanzibar War begins and ends. A conflict between Britain and Zanzibar, this is apparently the shortest war in recorded history, since it lasted a whopping 45 minutes, from 9:00 AM to 9:45 AM. Way to go Zanzibar, you showed them you're a serious power. I could declare war on Britain right now and the Anglo-Hunter War would last longer than that, Jesus.
August 27, 1918 - The Battle Ambos Nogales takes place. American forces clash with Mexican forces and their German advisers in the only World War One battle to be fought on American soil. I have no idea what happened here, and I honestly don't much care, and don't pretend that you do because I won't believe you. Obviously we won, I mean come on, it's Mexico. They didn't stand a chance, especially since the modern lawn-mower hadn't even been invented yet.
August 27, 1939 - First flight of the Heinkel He 178, the first ever jet-powered aircraft.
Oddly enough, that's the only interesting thing even remotely related to World War Two that happened today. The Japanese evacuated New Goergia today in 1943, but that's not very exciting... Oh well, we can't win every time, isn't that right Zanzibar? Seriously, 45 minutes? What a joke.
Sat Jan 31, 2015 7:16 am by DaLanMan
